Miscarriages are tough. There’s no way around it. I’ve even dedicated a whole section of this website to just talking about miscarriages to ensure we put words on our feelings. Don’t worry – it will populate over time, as I continue to write articles about the issue.
But one question I never considered was whether my feelings and overall devastation would change after having a rainbow baby. As you may know about me, we suffered three consecutive miscarriages while trying to have our second child. That put us in the 1% of people who miscarry, and it was devastating. In fact, I didn’t allow myself to feel any joy during the pregnancy once it happened, because I was constantly scared of losing the baby.
Now that our rainbow baby is here, I can start reflecting a bit on my feelings over the past year. While the loss of the three that never came to be is so tough at times, it did get easier once my son arrived. It was almost a relief that my body could handle pregnancy and I could carry to term. Of course, it doesn’t change the fact that we never get to meet those babies that never came to be.
While I can’t answer the question clearly, I can say this – yes, there’s a big chance that you’ll feel better about having a baby after your miscarriages. At the same time, yes, the miscarriages will still be a part of you.
You could do what I did and do something to honor those babies that you lost. I had a ring made with the birthstones for the months where we learned about the pregnancies. They happen to be the same months where we lost them – or so I remember. But now, I can say, “this was our April baby,” and “our November baby,” and so forth. Since we never got to meet them, I can only remember them for when they were in our lives – even if it was brief.
This is the ring that I got. I chose the months I learned about the pregnancies, and instead of names, I added a single word that described how I was feeling at that moment in time, even if it was bad. It put honesty into the ring. Plus, on the inside, I made a sweet tribute to our rainbow baby. You can get yours here.
I don’t wear mine all the time, but when I feel I need to remember or when I recall those emotions, it makes me feel closer to the babies we lost. It really helps me heal, even if it is a ring from China.