Tomorrow morning, I go in for my scheduled C-section. It’s a date I’ve known for quite some time, but it always seemed so far away in my head that I never really worried or thought about it – until now.
I should mention that my husband is beyond excited about becoming a father for the second time and I’m also excited. But his excitement is above mine at the moment, because I’m freaking out. It wasn’t like this with my first-born son.
With my first-born, I had plenty of time to process things. Labour was 36 hours and I had my first contraction at 8:15 am. We didn’t go into the hospital until that night and even then, he wasn’t born until 24 hours later. Plus, contractions hurt, so I was practically begging the hospital staff to please just get him out of me by the end of it all.
I have to say – sitting here, waiting for my C-section to take place is creating so much more anxiety in me than going into active labour. I had time to process everything with the first birth, even though nothing went to plan. Knowing when the baby will come, aka a scheduled C-section, seemed to always be the best solution for me. In fact, we often joked about how I was so busy with my career that scheduling in the birth of our child would be the only way to make it work.
But having time to plan everything, get everything ready, do drop-offs, and having so much time to (over)think everything is simply just too much for me. My toddler was a welcomed distraction in the days and weeks leading up to today, but now that he’s been dropped off at my parents’ house for a few days and I’m left alone with a husband who is beyond excited, I feel my anxiety rising.
I simply have too much time on my hands. I’m even finding myself searching for positive planned birth stories on the internet. Luckily, this one gave me some relief.
Hopefully, when everything is said and done tomorrow, the anxiety will leave my body and I can go back to what I enjoy the most – being a mom, and being a mom of two!